The point I'm trying to make still eludes me

Sometimes (and more frequently than not, lately), I've been thinking that being a Christian is overrated. And I wish that I could believe in Jesus without having to believe in Christians. I've been told this summer that I'm spiritual, not religious. I think I with that...if the spectrum is religious versus spiritual, then I'm definitely more spiritual. Religion, to me implies rules and structure and an "us versus them" mentality. But spirituality just implies God to me; it means wonder and listening and communion. I'm the kind of girl who can lie on a rock and almost believe if I wait long enough, I can feel the rock breathe. And I think everyone, and everything, has a soul. I don't think trees and rocks have minds, but I believe they have souls as much as humans and animals have souls. My beliefs don't really fit into modern, American Christianity. But I also don't believe modern American Christians have any clue what God is. How does one fathom an abstract Being? If God is Love, if God is I Am, what does that even mean? What is Love? Because no one has the same definition of Love--it's an abstract concept. So can it even be possible that we can imagine one same God? And if it's not possible to imagine one same God, what are we worshipping? What are we doing? What's the point, if we're just stumbling around in the dark, killing each other over minor disagreements about something we know nothing about?