If Only I Knew How

I promise you this,
I would take it all back if I could.
I would take back the eye contact,
the first smile
the quick glance down
and then back up to make sure you were still looking.
I'd take back the first words
the first texts
the first phone calls
that led to the first
second
fifth
twentieth
dates.

I would take back my love
I would take back my heart.
And try to put all the pieces back together.
Even though I wasn't the one who broke it
and the glue never seals the cracks up right.
I promise I would take it back.

I promise you this,
I would take back my bed.
I would take back my yes
out fairytale plans
that quickly added up
until we ran away.
Just us
a judge
and strangers as witnesses.
I would take back
every moment I spent in your arms.

I would take back my love
I would take back my heart
and try to put the pieces back together
even though I wasn't the one who broke it
and the glue never seals the cracks up right.
I promise I would take it back.

I promise you this
I would take it back if I could.
I would take back the phone call late that night
the 3AM knock on the door
the "I'm sorry for your loss"s
and "Is there anything we can do?"s
or "Is there someone you can calls?"s
I would take back
standing in a too bright green lawn,
neatly manicured to hide the skeletons in the closet.
I would take back staring at a granite stone
with dates the mean nothing
but broken promises of forever.

I would take back my love
I would take my heart
and try to put the pieces back together
even though I wasn't the one who broke it
and the glue never seals the cracks up right.
I promise I would take it back
every single moment
if only I knew how.