For the past year, I’ve been planning on attending Ashland Theological Seminary this upcoming fall to obtain a Masters in clinical counseling. I want to work with teens and young adults dealing with issues like self-harm, addiction, depression, suicide, eating disorders…issues that I think a lot of young people face alone. These are the problems that are kept secret and dealt with shamefully, and I think they are a lot more common than people realize.

After telling people for the past year that I’m going to apply, and then completing the entire application process (including paying the non-refundable application fee), I am contemplating not going to ATS this fall. I know, right? Completely flaky.

The counseling program is two years long, and every week students in the counseling cohort have to spend one day on the main campus in Ashland. This fall I’ve committed to being the leader of a covenant house, which is a group of people living in intentional Christian community. I’m questioning whether or not I’ll have the time, or the means to get to campus, or the money to start classes again this year. I’ve also been seriously considering joining the Peace Corps after my year in the covenant house is finished.

I want to go out in the world and help people. I mean, that’s why I want to be a counselor, because I feel this incredible need to rescue people. I don’t just want to sit in safety and take it easy for the rest of my life–I want to go out in the world and alleviate suffering. When I hear about natural disasters, the first thing I want to do is go to that place and help people. I won’t be able to do the Peace Corps for a while if I have to be on Ashland’s main campus every week.

I can start by taking classes online and at the Columbus branch campus; that’s always an option. But I won’t be able to finish the program without the core counseling courses I have to take on the main campus.

But this is all up in the air–I haven’t even been accepted to ATS.