"Memories", "Polished Nails", "Over the Lake", "The End", "I Watch Her"

Memories
I remember when we were friends,
when I whispered secrets to you,
when I sat next to you and was warmed by your nearness.
There was that one time
when you untangled my gold chain
and i was so happy the gold wouldn't have a kink.
And that time we ran lines for my scene in theater class,
that spring when I was dumped.
And I remember, too,
when you took my virginity,
like it was your right to have.
I remember all the blood
and the pain
and having to take a shower after so no one would know.
I remember saying no
and pushing you...
but only sometimes.
Most of the time I just let it happen.
I remember every single time,
praying for it to stop
praying for you to finish so the pain would cease.
I remember when we'd stay up late and talk
about stupid stuff
that seemed so important at the time.
I remember when we were friends
before you became my sometimes rapist
and I became an always enabler.

Polished Nails
Pink and black nails
pierce the porcelain skin
draining the stream like a drought.
The Red Sea never runs dry.
Shiny metal blade
reflecting the white washed walls
of the tomb she's locked herself in.
She forces herself to see
the self crucifixion
listen to the drip drip drip
of the blood bath hit the linoleum.
Dark washed denim smears the still wet river.
Years from now,
fingertips will brush the scars
the raised white lines.

Over the Lake
She stumbles over jagged rocks
stepping stones to solace
she wants to see,
one last time,
before she leaves,
fireflies over the lake.
Like catchable stars
fallen from grace
twinkling just for her.
Lighting a cigarette
knowing she'll taste smoke on her teeth for hours
she says goodbye in her own way.

The End
Not just a statistic,
but a number with a face,
locked away in an ivory tower of thoughts,
a dungeon built of stones of fear.
The bright red screams
rip across her legs
arms
hands.
Playing mysterious and aloof to avoid getting hurt
but the loneliness she drowns in
is enough to kill God in a man.
The once upon a time princess
made to dance in a dress of ivory
is clothed instead by red
and hides behind fear
of her happily ever after.

I Watch Her
The muscles in her thighs twitch
as though they remember the feel of the blade
within easy reach
the Swiss army knife in her purse
red, of course, that's her favorite color
the color she likes to see run
the razor blade in her make-up case
tapping the lipstick tube
when she rummages for mascara
she holds the key to her cell
to keep everyone out?
to keep everyone in?
no one can come in
and she won't answer the knocking anymore
she wishes she was as far from them physically as she is emotionally
so they wouldn't see
the key she could use to save herself
become the weapon
to gouge her own flesh to pieces.