Thoughts on being alone

I say that my personal hell is being alone. Not just by myself, but I mean really alone. No music, no books, no friends, no family, no pets, no writing…just me. That terrifies me. I want the distractions. I need them. I can be away from people for very long periods of time, but I’m never away from music or noise or a phone or a computer or a book. What do I need the distractions for? Is it because I don’t want to be with me for very long? Maybe it’s just the disinclination of boredom, or maybe I’m running from my own thoughts. If there is one thing I have in spades, it’s the desire to run from myself and from expectations. Maybe when I have a distraction, it’s as though I have a purpose, something to accomplish, and that gives me worth and a purpose.